


You Only Love Once

by deanandsam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, tag to s15e18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27573733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanandsam/pseuds/deanandsam
Summary: tag to S15E18.Dean thinks back on Castiel's impassioned speech before the Empty comes for him and it leaves him confused as to what the angel was trying to say.Sam, though, surprises his sibling.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 155





	You Only Love Once

It was only later that Castiel’s words sank in. 

At that moment, Dean had taken them at face value.  
Castiel telling him he loved him was nothing new, the angel had expressed those sentiments once before when he was dying from a mortal wound, surrounded by himself, Sam,and Mary. 

Castiel had also been under pressure, as they all had, with trying to defeat Chuck, so maybe the impassioned speech had been a way of letting off steam.

Then when the Empty had opened up and swallowed Castiel, the shock of seeing the black goo burst into the bunker had momentarily ousted the angel’s outburst from Dean’s mind.

But now in a moment of serenity, Dean found himself rewinding the tape and actually listening to what Cass had said and as he did, an unsettling thought insinuated itself into his mind. 

Castiel had said he loved HIM, not that he loved them all; not “tell Sam and Jack how much he loved them”.  
No, it had been directed specifically at Dean himself and even weirder, as he remembered standing there staring while Castiel emoted, he’d had the sensation that the angel was leaning forward.  
To do what, to pat him on the shoulder, to hug him or a chill went down Dean’s spine, to kiss him??

An unbelieving huff emanated from his throat. 

No, he was imagining things, Castiel wouldn’t have been intending any of that.  
He’d used the word love in a “Hey bro, love you man, “ sense, no undertone of romanticism intended because to believe the opposite would be to re-evaluate all that had gone before; that Castiel had somehow fallen in love with him and hung around through the years in the hope Dean might understand and maybe one day reciprocate.

As the memories ran through his mind, he could hear Sam bustling around at the other end of the room.  
He hadn’t mentioned Castiel’s impassioned speech to his brother, only told him the barest details of what had happened, that the Empty had kept her promise to take Castiel back when he was at his happiest, but that too was now puzzling Dean.  
At his happiest because he’d found peace in himself or because he’d finally told Dean of his feelings for him… for him alone?

Dean frowned, trying to pinpoint any moments during which he might have given Castiel reason to believe there could be a more than friendly relationship between them, but he could think of none.  
The angel’s crush on him, if that’s what it came down to, was entirely one-sided. Dean would never have reciprocated. 

Moreover, his relationship with Castiel was difficult to decipher.  
At times, he’d hated the dude and had been itching to put an angel blade through him like the time he’d broken Sam’s wall; other times he'd been confused by his behavior, recalling how he’d allowed Lucifer to use him as a vessel when Sam had refused.  
However, if Castiel’s last words were to be taken literally, then the past took on a different aspect.

For one, if Castiel was in love with him, what did he feel for Sam? If genderless angels could love, then could they feel jealousy too, or hate?

When Sam appeared in the periphery of his vision, Dean glanced up at him.

”You’re kinda quiet there, Dean. Something on your mind.” The younger man, as always, was receptive to his sibling’s moods.  
Dean studied his brother’s face. It was no longer that of a kid. It was the face of a man who’d lived a hard life, suffered, matured but Dean loved it more than he could ever express. Every inch of his brother, from his broken toenail that just wouldn’t heal to his girlie hair. 

Had Castiel been tempted to use his powers to get rid of Sam and take his place? It was a question Dean had no answer for.  
He knew he tended to keep secrets from Sam, recognizing it as a relic from the past, when Sam was a kid and Dean didn’t want to scare the little boy with the terrors of the world he’d have to grow up in. It was part of his ‘protect Sammy’ mode and very hard to dismantle.

At this point, there was no need to tell Sam about Castiel’s impassioned speech but Dean didn’t want any more secrets to come between them ever again, even one which could no longer affect them.

“Uh, Sam, I didn’t mention this, 'cos at the time I didn’t think it meant what it did. “ The older Winchester passed a hand through his hair, ruffling the thick strands. “And I’m still not sure if I’m interpreting the words correctly but before he got dragged into the Empty, uh…I …Uh…think Cass said he had feelings for me…more than brotherly!”

Sam was silent for a moment, then he came to stand behind his brother, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Dean’s head.  
“I know,“ Sam murmured, leaving Dean to gasp in surprise. He wanted to turn and look up at Sam but the younger man held on tight. 

“You knew? And you never said anything?”  
A choked laugh preceded Sam’s next words. “What did you want me to say, dude?” Hey, Dean. Castiel’s got the hots for you. Go get a room.”

“Let me go, Sammy,” Dean growled. He wanted to look his brother in the eye.

Shrugging out of the embrace, he got to his feet, cupping Sam’s neck so as not to let him look away.  
“And how did you come to that conclusion, Sam? Tell me. I really want to know.”

“It’s been obvious for years, Dean. I actually began to suspect when we found out he’d been lying, and it was really he who yanked me out of the Cage without my soul. I became even more certain when you told me he hadn’t wanted you to find a way of getting it back because my soul would’ve been so shredded and tattered that it was better to leave it where it was and let me live out my life as RoboSam.  
After that, I kept an eye on him whenever he was around you and it was more than obvious that he had a crush on you. I also noticed that you were blind to it, that it never entered your mind that he was being more than friendly.”

“So who’s the one keeping secrets now?” Dean said, but somehow he felt a smile coming on. “What would he have said if he’d seen us do this.”  
Pulling Sam’s head towards him, Dean grazed his brother’s lips with the gentlest of kisses, running a hand down Sam’s cheek.

“There’s only one person I’ve loved more than life itself and that’s you, Sammy. Castiel never stood a chance. And In a way, I’m glad you never told me for I’d have baited the lovesick moron to kingdom come, but at the same time, he might have got the urge to do you harm, get you out of the way and I might have ended up ganking him.”

Sam chuckled.  
“There’s no way he would have done that. He was well aware that killing me would have sent you off into a destructive spiral,” Sam said with no false modesty because just as Dean was his entire world, Sam knew he was Dean’s. “And he understood he’d have no chance of winning your affections if that happened.”

“You know that you’re a cunning little bitch, don’t you Sammy?“ Dean grinned before searching out Sam’s lips once more and this time there was no gentleness in the action, just pure burning passion and desire for the one he loved.


End file.
